If an expat is lost in a spiral of negativity, and they have essentially closed the door on the host country’s culture, is there any hope?
An empathetic coach
While visiting her homeland, a western expat spoke about her life in China to an old family friend. The expat confessed that she disliked the place and couldn’t get to grips with the local culture. To justify her viewpoint, she listed her grievances and pet peeves before adding that she couldn’t wait to leave. The old friend assumed there must be a silver lining: “What about travelling?” The expat admitted she just wanted the time to pass and return home, adding that she only agreed to the move for financial reasons.
More receptive mindset
“As a coach, if I happened to be working with this expat, I’d let them vent some of their frustrations and do my best to relate to them. I would tell them how (and why) I struggle to re-adjust when I return to China for holidays and experience reverse culture shock,” says Julie Hao, a Malmö-based coach from Shanghai. “Hopefully they would then be more receptive when I try to explain certain behaviours that the expat has observed. If I can help enhance this expat’s cross-cultural awareness, they might be less close-minded and judgemental.”
Open-ended questions
Of course, the irony of this expat’s mindset is that they are making the days drag when they wish the years to fly. Julie agrees that finding a silver lining to their expat life would surely be in their interests: “Even if this expat still had no interest in trying to better understand the host culture, a coach might ask more open-ended questions. If they admit that they’re unhappy then the expat might also agree they want to make some kind of change. Is there a way they could live more positively? It could be a pastime or an online job, completely unrelated to the culture of the host country.”
Live a better life
“With a coach, the expat is free to discuss whatever is on their mind. They might open up and reveal something else, for example: that they feel extremely lonely or very unfulfilled. This would give a coach a way in. Perhaps if the expat can find a purpose, or build up a social network, they would soon feel better about their life and start to see the positive side of expatriation.”
