Close friendships can be a great source of support during your time abroad. One way to strengthen bonds is by giving compliments, according to New York psychiatrist Sue Varna.
Level the playing field
In almost every relationship there is an element of keeping up appearances – social standing is everything, Varna says. Nevertheless she urges us to take off our cloaks of invincibility: “Often we work too hard to preserve the image of being ‘put together’. We don’t realise that it’s through the cracks that the light comes in.” Sharing your emotional vulnerabilities levels the playing field and makes people feel closer to you. This is what happens when you give genuine compliments.
Endearing
She explains: “You become charming by being disarming. You are not a threat. We are constantly sizing people up, trying to find out where we stand in comparison. We are so afraid that complimenting another somehow makes us appear less than. On the contrary, you endear yourself to the other.” In other words: Go ahead, tell your new expat neighbours how much you like their designer furniture, even though it’s clearly much nicer than yours. Chances are they’ll love you for it!
Specific and sincere
Keep in mind that there is an art to giving a good compliment. The number one rule is to be specific and sincere, experts agree. “An authentic comment will come across as meaningful, memorable, and make the person feel special,” says etiquette expert Diane Gottsman. A fake one doesn’t work and can even backfire, she warns. It can make you seem ‘self-centred or untrustworthy’.
Worth the effort
“Giving a genuine compliment requires us to look for the good in others,” agrees online community founder Margaret Manning on happifydaily.com. “In doing so, we also start to see the good in ourselves. We realise that we are all on the same journey together.”
This article was originally published for the thousands of expat partners that Global Connection supports around the globe. It is reproduced here in its original form.
Sources: nbcnews.com; rd.com; happifydaily.com
Photo: iStock
