Ever feel like you have no control over your life? Or do you feel trapped because you have no idea when your partner’s assignment will even end? If so, one expert explains how you can recover your agency.
All at sea
“‘I’m lost’, ‘I’m in a hole’, ‘I’m all at sea’ – I have so often heard expat partners use these phrases to describe their state of mind,” says coach Simone Torres Costa. “They have lost their sense of direction and/or personal identity. They may even feel like they’re in a hopeless situation. But they can recalibrate their mindset. It’s partly about reinterpreting their circumstances, so they can transform negative emotions and move forward with purpose and positivity.”
Take a step back
“When an expat partner thinks: ‘I don‘t know what will happen next. I am not in control of anything…’ – what is at the heart of these existential feelings? There is a loss of agency. However, if the expat partner takes a step back and considers what they expected from this assignment in the very beginning, they can begin to reconsider the narrative. Put it down in writing. Let’s see how you felt at that time. You might then recall you made a decision to embark on this ‘adventure’, to get out of your comfort zone and take a step into the unknown…”
All is not lost
“As humans, we all want a feeling of psychological safety. So when we move to another country only to lose our sense of direction, it can cause us a lot of emotional distress. Perhaps over time, you have even begun to see yourself as a victim, someone who sacrificed their old way of life so their partner could have an international career. You might feel anger, resentment, or perhaps you feel depressed, as if you have failed. It is a very tough place to be. But there is always a thread for us to retrace. Your abilities, your dreams, your talent – they have not changed. They remain within you. And I guarantee, once you start to clarify what has always been there inside of you, and identify what is possible, you will start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Believe me when I say we all have the capabilities to manage uncertainty and the tools to recover our agency.”
This article was originally published for the thousands of expat partners that Global Connection supports around the globe. It is reproduced here in its original form.
