Are you the parent of a teen who is struggling with cultural adjustment? If so, one expert advises allowing them to be as independent as they were at home while also trying to solve the ‘relocation puzzle’ together.
New house rules
When families relocate from their home country, well-meaning parents will often allow their teens less freedom. It’s perhaps an understandable response – after all they have uprooted their kids from a familiar place and they all now reside in a land of strangers. “The parents don’t know either their kids’ new friends or the parents of those kids, so they might feel they need to be more cautious and controlling,” says coach Patti McCarthy. “For example, a 15-year-old might have had an 11pm curfew at home, but perhaps that’s now 10pm in their host country. In the family’s home country, the parents might have just dropped the kids off at the gate but now they want to come in and meet the parents of the new friends, which is socially awkward for the teen.”
What’s the norm?
“During the transition period, parents can be extra nervous and concerned for their children as they don’t know what the norm is. For example, ‘What curfew time do other 15-year-olds in Hong Kong have? Where do teenagers go and what do they even do here?’ If parents feel too shy to ask (because they don’t know other families well enough) they may instinctively keep the kids on a tighter leash,” says Patti, who adds that some teens can react badly to this. Indeed, an aggrieved teen may even start to resent the parents, who made the decision to relocate and now won’t let their teen do typical teen things.
Taking action
So what to do? As always we strongly advise not suffering in silence. Reach out and seek guidance whether it’s from other parents or a coach (ask your Global Connection consultant for suggestions). Join parent / mom / dad networks and don’t be afraid to ask if others had tough transitions with teens. You will likely get some great tips as well as some much needed moral support. “Also, giving your teen more independence doesn’t mean you can’t sit down together to discuss things and explain your concerns,” adds Patti. “Parents shouldn’t try to be too authoritative in this situation. Instead treat it as a puzzle that you can solve as a team.”
This article was originally published for the thousands of expat partners that Global Connection supports around the globe. It is reproduced here in its original form.
