When we enter a new culture, our lives can be enriched from conversing with the people that we happen to meet around our neighbourhood. But how can we break the ice?
Beautiful interruptions
“When you talk to strangers, you’re making beautiful interruptions into the expected narrative of your daily life – and theirs,” says Kio Stark, the author of When Strangers Meet. “You’re making unexpected connections. If you don’t talk to strangers, you’re missing out.”
Contrasting cultures
Admittedly when living in a foreign land, it’s normal to be rather circumspect, and a little clueless, when it comes to chatting with strangers, or knowing when it’s appropriate. Our members are also living in countries that might sound incomparable on paper. For example, in Norway it’s very unusual to accost a stranger; in Egypt it’s rude to ignore one. But Stark believes there’s a universal signal that can help us know who might be open to conversation. Eye contact. This means the other person sees you and you see them. Next, you might give them a nod, or chance a smile, and double down on the acknowledgement.
The triangulation theory
However, it’s the next step that is arguably the key. Stark calls it ‘triangulation’. “There’s you, there’s a stranger, there’s some third thing that you both might see and comment on, like a piece of public art or somebody preaching in the street, or somebody wearing funny clothes,” says Stark. Now, this might be tricky for you as an expat, especially if you don’t speak much of the language, so (in our opinion) don’t be afraid to remark on the weather!
‘No strangers here’
As a disclaimer, Stark’s TED Talk ‘Why you should talk to strangers’ isn’t addressed to expats in particular but people everywhere. She believes these ‘beautiful interruptions’ can also help us take a positive step toward rejecting ‘all the ideas that make us suspicious of each other’. Striking up a random conversation might require more bravery from you as an expat but the rewards are arguably greater. Remember that even if you are surrounded by other expats, as a newcomer you can easily retreat into your shell, socially speaking. ‘Oh everyone else around here seems to have a lot of friends already,’ you might fret. ‘They don’t need me.’ But just think that the first ‘beautiful interruption’ could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
This article was originally published for the thousands of expat partners that Global Connection supports around the globe. It is reproduced here in its original form.
